Intelligent design

As I’ve been delving into the world of spirituality and the human need to find meaning or a greater purpose to life. I fear, we might’ve found it, but have missed the mark entirely by centering ourselves. Gone the opposite direction even. There is an intelligent design. There is some methodical blueprint for the ways mushrooms and trees communicate, the way cells know what to create and how to do it and almost precisely every time, time after time (except for things like Cancer). The way there is some rhythm to life is magical and ethereal yet categorically irrefutable; the sun comes up and goes down like clockwork, and the circle of life knows how to balance itself without our interference. There certainly seems to be an intelligent, consistent, orderly design… we are the chaos. I can’t find any reasonable purpose for consciousness and awareness, other than the idea that we are life’s longing for itself. Like we are some strange little experiment of life’s intent to experience life. The cog that doesn’t fit. I wake up every morning not knowing what to do. I don’t know what my purpose is and I can say with certainly that most of us don’t. There’s no way to confirm or deny that anything we could say or muse about it would be true, but all other collection of cells and molecules know their purpose. They know intuitively without having to think about it or question it, or meditate on it or pay someone to tell them because we are constantly seeking meaning outside ourselves. Mitochondria know to turn food into fuel, bears know to hibernate. Even in community, monkeys know when and where to be altruistic for the benefit of the whole even to the detriment of the individual without having to go to a yoga retreat in Costa Rica. We never know what to fucking do with ourselves. And even when all the evidence of something tells us we are not working in harmony with the unit, we refuse to see ourselves as the cancer that we are. I saw a message at some point in Italy that said “Save humanity. The earth will be fine.” and I realized, that’s so true. The earth has gone on without us for mega-annum and will recover when our refusal to adapt and insistence otherwise finally kills us off. Normally, this would feel like poetic justice, but I have kids and, selfishly, I want to imagine a great future for them. I wonder if adaptability on the individual level makes that much of a difference. I hope so.